Thrive in Stage 5

I've made it to Stage 5

One of the most common questions for someone who has cancer is "How are you feeling?" While people ask this question out of concern or curiosity, it is not a question that can be answered quickly or easily.  This is usually a 20 minute conversation at a minimum if you really want to know the truth.

The short answer to that question will usually depend on which stage someone is in related to their diagnosis. Most likely they are rolling their eyes on the inside and thinking to themselves "Did they really just ask me that question?"

A cancer patient goes thru the same stages that you may associate with grief. And if you think about it, this makes perfect sense. Let's look at each of the stages and the answers that you may hear from your friend or colleague that has been diagnosed with cancer:

Stage 1 - Denial

The answer to the question is "I'm fine." In reality they are reliving the moment that the doctor told them that they have Cancer. They still in their mind are thinking "They aren't talking to me."  I got that call 12 years ago. The doctor told me that I had cancer and I was certain that the pathologist had mixed up my results with someone else's. I had no history of cancer in my family and I felt healthy. I could not have cancer. I continued to bounce back into denial for 7 years until I got the diagnosis of metastatic cancer. I couldn't really deny it any longer after that.

Stage 2 - Anger

The answer to the question is "How do you think I feel?" or "I have Cancer!" I was mad at the diagnosis, my friends, my family, God and even at myself. I'm sure I was angry at a lot of things over the years. Just when I think I'm past the anger stage I find something else that I get mad about. It may be something as small as that thing I used to be able to do but no longer can or as big as yelling at God and asking him again "Why?" After 12 years of this, I have been able to find ways to acknowledge that this is what I am doing and move past the anger stage quickly. This is not a good stage to stay in but it is something that we all go through. Some just move through it faster than others.

Stage 3 - Bargaining

This stage is personal and usually happens simultaneously to one of the others so the answer to the question is likely to be more like one of the other stages. Bargaining is a discussion between you and God. Please God, take this out of my life and I will {fill in the blank}.

Stage 4 - Depression 

In this stage you may not even get an answer, but if you do it will probably start with a heavy sigh or crying. This is normal. Depression manifests itself in many ways. I mourned the fact that my life is now different than what I expected it to be. I worried about what would happen to my family and our finances. My treatment schedule moved along very rapidly after being diagnosed. After six months of chemotherapy and another 2 months of radiation, all of the sudden there were no more treatments scheduled. I mentioned this to the doctor and was told that was very common. I just spent the last year fighting for my life in essence and then BOOM....there is nothing left to do. The depression will come and go throughout just like Denial and Anger.

Stage 5 - Acceptance 

I probably answer this question differently than others. My answer "I'm Awesome!" I have even begun to answer my doctor and his staff with the same response. I make this choice every day. I have accepted that I have Cancer. My life is not what I thought it was going to be. I choose to make the best of each day. My close friends know when I am putting on a good face for someone. But my answer is always the same. Sometimes there is just more enthusiasm than others. I will continue to answer that question the same way as long as I am here.

I choose to Strive in Stage 5. This is one way that I continue to make a BuiltaLife.

My Mount Midoriyama Challenge (I'm not an American Ninja Warrior)

I love to watch American Ninja Warrior (ANW).  I pull hard for the underdog and love the excitement that a contestant shows when they reach the top and push the button.  What an awesome feeling of accomplishment that must be.  I am secretly an adrenaline junkie.  I love roller coasters, have jumped off cliffs in Italy into the Mediterranean Ocean and would love to skydive and/or hang glide.

The ANW contestants train for months and even years to reach the ultimate goal: the top of Mount Midoriyama.  They have to go through 4 stages (there's some irony) to get there.  Each stage has different obstacles that must be completed in order to advance.

My goal is not quite so bold, but I do have a goal that I have kept fairly quiet. I have been toying with the idea in my head for quite a while.  Then I started getting the signs from God (butterflies and and prayers answered - see earlier posts for more on that).  When you starting getting signs from God it is easy to get excited and begin to share with others what your dreams are  I have shared this with a few people recently.  Thinking it would keep me accountable and also testing the waters to see if anyone (besides me) thought it was a good idea.

I got positive feedback from those I shared it with.  Great!  It is time to move forward.  I began drafting/writing a book about Encouragement.  Still not sure the final direction this is going.  Will it be aimed at cancer survivors? Will it be a general encouragement book? Will it really matter who reads it as long as someone finds it helpful?

Then.....BAM!  Life throws you some obstacles.  Some might even say it is Satan testing to see if I have what it takes to persevere through the stumbling blocks.  Will I fold or will I continue on?

Three weeks ago I was totally focused on my writing.  I made great progress and thought I had a decent outline for how I wanted the book to flow. It was exciting and I knew that was what I was being led to do.

Then the first phone call came that knocked me off course.  It was very personal and I'm not going to share the details, but let's just say that for four or five days I did not have the focus to write anything.

Fast forward a couple of days to when my daughter came home for a visit.  We were distracted again by the idea that we needed to get a new-to-her car.  That took several days and I'm happy to report that we got a safe reliable vehicle that I pray will last her about six years.

As a result of the hurdles I completely wore myself out.  Stage 4 cancer can fool you and rob you of the stamina that you think you should have.  After two weeks of road trips and hustle to find a car, my body is screaming at me to rest.  

Today, as I rest, I am reflecting on the last two weeks and realizing that now more than ever it is important for me to push through those obstacles, knock the fear out of the way, and continue on my journey of bringing encouragement to whomever needs it and wants it. That is my Mount Midoriyama, and however many obstacles and stages I have to go through I have my eyes set on the final outcome.

 

Who are you following?

This morning I got to catch up with a friend over coffee.  One of several conversations was about Mentorship and Leadership.  After leaving the coffee shop I drove to see another friend who was in town (she moved out of state over a year ago).  There was a radio ad about Mentoring.  Then the conversation with the second friend touched on finding a Mentor.  Driving back home (it was about an hour car ride) I heard yet another advertisement, different than the first, about Mentoring.

Then on the radio I heard the advertisement for the radio station.  Which, as we all know, usually ends with "Follow us on Facebook and Twitter".

In a world that is so connected via the internet and social media, who are you following?  Have you ever really stopped to think about that?  If you think about it from the perspective that we are who we follow, then who are you?  In every area of life there are people who are trying to be leaders.  Some are trying to make you better.  Others, well, let's just say they are not concerned about where you are going, only that they have someone following them.  As a follower, we need to be concerned with our own path.  A good Leader and Mentor is concerned not only about the path they are on, but also making sure that those following them are on the right path too.

I admit I'm not in the millennial age group.  I do however use Facebook and Twitter.  Some of it started out with keeping up with my kids and their friends.  Then it grew to finding people from High School that I had lost contact with.  Now it seems like such a chore to keep up with all of the new platforms.  I have never done a Vine, and I only logged into Periscope for one personal reason and will probably delete that app after this week ends.

I have been on a personal journey to make only positive, encouraging posts.  Not because I have everything under control.  Sometimes, in fact, it is because I don't. I am trying to offer those that have chosen to 'follow me' a look at a life that may not be perfect but a life that is well lived.

I am going through my friends on Facebook and the people I follow on twitter and asking myself if there posts are aligning with where I want to be headed.  Are they positive in their outlook? If they are constantly complaining about something I am limiting my interaction with them.  Some I have (gasp) un-friended, some I have just hidden.  I have enough going on in my life that I do not need to be pulled into someone else's drama.

So if you are struggling to figure out if you are on the right path it is time to ask yourself... who are you following?  If you don't like the answer or the path you are on, then it is time to find a new leader.

Don't fall Overboard

Have you ever had one of those late night conversations with God where you ask "God, if (fill in the blank) happens, I will know that I'm on the path that you want me to be on."?
I heard someone tell a story about that same thing on the radio the other day.  He said he told/asked God "If somehow my son ends up with the ball, shoots and makes it I will know you are with me."

Now I don't want to get all of my Aggie friends mad at me, but last night as I watched the 16 inning whopper of a baseball game between TCU and A&M, I laughingly said to God "If the Frogs win this game in the bottom of this inning (the 16th), I will know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing with the books that I'm writing." (Did you catch that? It said bookS - plural)

Well, the Frogs pulled it out thanks to a couple of errors on the Aggies and the game ended in the bottom of the 16th inning.  It was after 1 in the morning and I was tired.  But as I went to bed I started to think about this some more.  Yes, I was still a little excited about the win and the trip to the College World Series.

So now I have two different books that I am working on this summer.  I have started working on both of them and they are completely different.  One is a children's book and the other is related to that calling I keep hearing about Encouragement.

But as I lay there last night I thought about the saying we have all heard "Let Go and Let God."  Such a short simple little phrase.  But in the quiet of the night I heard more.

I think in the past I have used that phrase to say "Hey, I trust that God will take care of this." Last night the conversation was more like "I will be by your side as you travel down this path.  We will do this together."

Together.  Yes. I cannot just turn everything over to God.  We are in a partnership.  God is the one steering the ship, but I am his first mate.  A positive result will only come about because I trust God and he trusts me and we both do our jobs.

This will be an interesting journey over the next few months as I figure out how to get my thoughts on paper and out to the world, but I know that it will be easier as long as I remember who is in control.

I'm not really letting Go, I Am letting God steer the ship. Here's to not falling overboard when the waters get choppy.

Are you listening?

Yesterday I went to Best Buy because we needed a new printer.  While I was there I wanted to look at the FitBit and compare it with the Garmin VivoFit to give my husband an idea for my upcoming birthday.
As my daughter and I were looking at the various gadgets, one of the Best Buy employees asked if we needed any help.  Since he saw what we were looking at, I started asking questions about the benefits of the various products.

He was very polite and said "let me go check"  Ok, so he didn't really know anything about the products but he was trying to be helpful so my daughter and I continued to read the information about each of the different styles.

One of my questions related to being able to set a timer to alert me to get up and move.  I know some of these have that feature but each one is just slightly different.  I also wanted one that would let me wear it in the pool when I'm doing water aerobics or swimming laps (don't want to lose count of those activities, ha ha).

Let me give a little description of my situation here before I proceed.  I am standing in the aisle of Best Buy using a cane.  I walk a few steps in each direction with the BB employee looking at each option before he goes off to check the computer.

Now that I have set that scene for you...When he came back, he explained how xyz product would be best because it had a GPS and a heart monitor on them.  Hmmmm. Really? So, does it have the alarm I was looking for and can I wear it in the pool?  He says "No, this one does not have an alarm, but many people really enjoy the GPS." Um, yeah, but if I'm going to use it while I'm swimming laps in a pool is that really the best feature for me?

I looked at him and said "I use the cane for walking and am really looking for something to notify me to move and to track my steps and activity so I can work on increasing my activity. I don't think I really need GPS for that."  He chuckled and then said "well a lot of people really like that it has the heart monitor too."

I have been doing some professional/personal growth training and LISTENING to your customers is one of the main topics that almost all of the leaders talk about.  How can you help someone if you aren't listening to what they need?  This is a skill that takes time and patience to master.

We all want to appear smart by telling people what we THINK they want to HEAR. But are you really listening?

Breaking thru the Fear Wall

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions.  We all have fears.  Some are healthy and some are not.  Fear can make you move quickly or freeze you in your tracks.

Several years ago I was in Italy and had the chance to jump off very large cliffs into the Mediterranean ocean.  I remember standing at the top of the cliff looking down at the ocean and thinking that I must be crazy.  But then I took the leap and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences I have ever had.  I overcame the fear and it is now one of my best memories.

This year I have toyed with the idea of writing a book.  I have several different ideas in mind and yet have not started on any of them.  WHY? Fear.  Fear that my writing isn't good enough.  Fear that no one will like them.  Fear that no one will find my book interesting.

Why should that matter?  If this is the gift that God has given me (I wrote about gifts in an earlier post), am I dishonoring Him by not pursuing this?

This morning in church the preacher talked about some ways God speaks to us.  She ended with a Prayer of Discomfort.  It is an interesting thought. We get caught in our comfort zone and take the easy road.  Is that the road we were meant for? Or does God have something bigger planned for us? It is in the uncomfortable where we find out that we can do more than we could ever have imagined for ourselves.  But much like a parent who knows that their child has greatness within them and pushes them to find it, God does that to each of us.  In the parent/child relationship the parent is close by to watch (and catch if necessary) to see the amazing feat.

God, just like a parent, is there with us to watch us fly or to catch us if we lose trust.  Just like in Matthew 14:28-31.  Peter saw Jesus walking on the water and said "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water".  Peter, with his eyes on Jesus, walked on water when he knew that was not possible.  But as the winds came and he took his eyes off of Jesus he began to sink.  We are all like Peter.  We feel as though we can do anything when we have our eyes on Him.  Why then do we look away?

So this summer I am setting out on a path.  Each morning I'm looking to God and asking What are your plans for me today? In the quiet morning I will listen to his reply, knowing full well that he will test me and challenge me to burst through that wall of fear to get to the other side.  As is written in Jeremiah 29:11-12 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

What's Your Sign?

I was raised in the church.  I've always had faith, or so I thought.  Websters defines faith as 1) having complete trust in something or someone; 2) belief in the existence of God. I have a foundation with a belief in the existence of God. But does that mean that I have complete trust in him?
I have been reading a book called Jesus, Life Coach written by Laurie Beth Jones. It is a nice book to read at night because the chapters are short and each one is a standalone chapter so you don't feel like you have to keep reading to find out 'whodunit'. And honestly, if you look at the title you already know 'whodunit'.

One of the chapters discussed having a sign with God.  A sign that reminds us that he is there for us even if we don't feel like it.  The sign the author chose was a ladybug. She described several examples of how God sent her a ladybug when she most needed it.  I don't know about you, but I've always wanted to have that directional sign to show me the way from God.  You know what I'm talking about, the one at the fork in the road that says 'Success this Way' and points one direction and the other sign says something like 'Danger' or 'Only choose this path if you want to stumble and fall'  So I figured I would give this a chance.

I was all set to ask God to use the ladybug to be a sign for me too.  I asked God to please send me a ........butterfly.  WHAT?  How did that happen? Honestly, I had not even thought about butterflies but there it was.  Now how could I argue with that.  Ok God, send me a butterfly when I am uncertain or need to feel like I have chosen the right path.

I have come to love the creativity of God.  The next morning, the first post I saw on Facebook (yes, I still look at Facebook while I'm drinking my coffee in the morning) was a butterfly.  I really don't remember what the post was or who posted it, I just remember smiling.  Since then I have seen butterflies in amazing places.  Each time I see one I smile and wonder how did I get from ladybug to butterfly.  And then I remember, God has a plan for each of us.

So now not only do I have a belief in God, but I have this new found FAITH in God that he is with me and he will remind me when my faith is faltering by sending me butterflies.