My daughter has had a saying the last few years that was something like - You know my Face, but you don't know my Story. This saying has been echoing in my head for a long time. I love to people watch. It is a great past time. But with this saying in my head, people watching is so much different. I wonder, what is their story? When someone is being rude to a clerk, I wonder what is going on in their world that makes that acceptable. (Not that it is ever acceptable, but in their current position they may feel that it is).
As you know I have had my struggles the last 3 years. Some of which has "earned" me a handicapped parking permit. For a long time it was very necessary, for example when I was in a wheelchair, or using a walker. Now I walk under my own power, with a slight limp. I still have the handicapped permit, and for a while I actually felt guilty using it. Not when I go to something that might require that I walk a mile to get to my destination, but at places like church or the grocery store. I have gotten "the look" from people wondering if I really needed the handicap spot. When that happens I hear that saying in my head "You see my face, but you don't know my story".
We all have stories that make us what we are. Most of us do not take the time to understand that there may be a reason that the person in front of you in line can't find her wallet in her purse and is holding us up. Perhaps she just came from the hospital where she was told her mother is in critical condition. Or her husband just came home and told her he wanted a divorce and she has no idea what her future will look like. Standing behind this person in line, many are thinking "why did I choose this lane, she is going to make me late". Wouldn't having compassion, even not knowing what they are going through, lower frustration levels for everyone involved? I know this has been my experience as I have let that little saying play through my head.
Yes, admittedly, there are some people that are just rude by nature, but wouldn't your frustration level be reduced if you made up a story about them in your head that would make you feel compassionate instead of angry? So the next time a car cuts you off in traffic, or takes the parking spot you were about to park in, remember you are just seeing their face, and not their story.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Listening or Hearing?
I have been struggling with semantics for a while. It used to be that my husband and I could complete each others thoughts. But there have been times though out our marriage that we are just out of sync with one another. We can be talking about the exact same thing, but saying it differently and we both end up frustrated because we don't see it at the time. It usually takes a few hours to figure out that we were saying the same thing, just differently.
I read a post in my cancer support group about words that a doctor used. Although the doctor thought he was saying the appropriate thing, the wording made it very uncomfortable for the patient. He was trying to say the drugs she had taken in the past did not work for her, but the wording came out as though the patient was the problem, not that the drug didn't work. As a cancer patient, I know that if I am taking a drug as prescribed and it doesn't work, that is NOT my fault. It is not even the drugs' fault. It is just that the two were not compatible. Not unlike a relationship where it seems people are right for one another, but it just doesn't work out. No one's fault. Just not a good fit.
Last night was one of those episodes with my husband where we were saying the same thing just in COMPLETELY different ways. I was frustrated because it seemed like he was not listening to what I was saying, he was frustrated because it was technology related and he really doesn't like to talk about technology. He is what I like to call technology challenged. He does not do much on a computer other than games and email. If he has to create a document it is outside his comfort zone. And don't get me started with the smart phones. In his opinion, they aren't all that smart because a programmer doesn't think like him.
Last night I realized, a little later than I should have, that we were having one of those conversations. Instead of calmly stopping and saying that we were talking about the same thing, I let it continue on and get frustrated.
So I am working through, in my head and on this blog, a new goal to actually take the time to HEAR what someone says. Many of us just listen, but we don't hear what the other person is saying. I have a feeling it is that same way with God. We listen, but we don't hear what He is saying. If we could learn to Hear the words of others there might just be a little less frustration in the world.
So slow down, HEAR what people around you are saying. You might just learn something new.
I read a post in my cancer support group about words that a doctor used. Although the doctor thought he was saying the appropriate thing, the wording made it very uncomfortable for the patient. He was trying to say the drugs she had taken in the past did not work for her, but the wording came out as though the patient was the problem, not that the drug didn't work. As a cancer patient, I know that if I am taking a drug as prescribed and it doesn't work, that is NOT my fault. It is not even the drugs' fault. It is just that the two were not compatible. Not unlike a relationship where it seems people are right for one another, but it just doesn't work out. No one's fault. Just not a good fit.
Last night was one of those episodes with my husband where we were saying the same thing just in COMPLETELY different ways. I was frustrated because it seemed like he was not listening to what I was saying, he was frustrated because it was technology related and he really doesn't like to talk about technology. He is what I like to call technology challenged. He does not do much on a computer other than games and email. If he has to create a document it is outside his comfort zone. And don't get me started with the smart phones. In his opinion, they aren't all that smart because a programmer doesn't think like him.
Last night I realized, a little later than I should have, that we were having one of those conversations. Instead of calmly stopping and saying that we were talking about the same thing, I let it continue on and get frustrated.
So I am working through, in my head and on this blog, a new goal to actually take the time to HEAR what someone says. Many of us just listen, but we don't hear what the other person is saying. I have a feeling it is that same way with God. We listen, but we don't hear what He is saying. If we could learn to Hear the words of others there might just be a little less frustration in the world.
So slow down, HEAR what people around you are saying. You might just learn something new.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Sometimes I forget
We all forget things. Sometimes it is as small as where we put the car keys or Did I turn the oven off?
This past week I forgot to listen to my body. I was very wrapped up in helping my daughter get ready to go off to college. We took her to school this past weekend. A 3 hour car ride there and 4 hours back (got to love traffic on I-35 on a Sunday afternoon) plus walking around campus. With all the running around and the car rides I somehow managed to strain my back. Mind you, the slightest pain makes me incredibly nervous. A new pain to most is not a big deal. You rest a little, maybe take some pain medication and you go on about your life.
If you are a stage 4 cancer patient, a new pain tends to freak you out a bit. The last time I had a pain in my back I attributed it to over exertion and kept thinking it would heal. It took me 4 months to realize that it wasn't getting any better and thta I should go to the doctor. As you may have figured out that was when we found out that the cancer had metastasized to the bones in my hip. As a result, I was a little anxious about the pain in my back and decided that I should see the doctor early this time around. This fit into one of the goals that I set for myself when I was originally diagnosed with Stage 4 - to let people know that if they have any new pains, especially if you are a cancer survivor, then you should have it checked out. The sooner you get it looked at, the better your chances. Perhaps if I had gone earlier, I might not have had to had such extensive surgery on my hip. But if I can convince one other person to go sooner rather than later, I will feel like it is worth the effort.
The good news, this time, is that they seem to think I just over extended myself and that a little rest, and doing not much, letting my family wait on me a little will let my body heal. (I think I heal a little slower than the average person). So I am sitting with my feet up, an ice bag on my back and a large glass of water next to me watching TV. I am praying that this will allow me to relax the muscles in my back and let everything get back to normal.
This past week I forgot to listen to my body. I was very wrapped up in helping my daughter get ready to go off to college. We took her to school this past weekend. A 3 hour car ride there and 4 hours back (got to love traffic on I-35 on a Sunday afternoon) plus walking around campus. With all the running around and the car rides I somehow managed to strain my back. Mind you, the slightest pain makes me incredibly nervous. A new pain to most is not a big deal. You rest a little, maybe take some pain medication and you go on about your life.
If you are a stage 4 cancer patient, a new pain tends to freak you out a bit. The last time I had a pain in my back I attributed it to over exertion and kept thinking it would heal. It took me 4 months to realize that it wasn't getting any better and thta I should go to the doctor. As you may have figured out that was when we found out that the cancer had metastasized to the bones in my hip. As a result, I was a little anxious about the pain in my back and decided that I should see the doctor early this time around. This fit into one of the goals that I set for myself when I was originally diagnosed with Stage 4 - to let people know that if they have any new pains, especially if you are a cancer survivor, then you should have it checked out. The sooner you get it looked at, the better your chances. Perhaps if I had gone earlier, I might not have had to had such extensive surgery on my hip. But if I can convince one other person to go sooner rather than later, I will feel like it is worth the effort.
The good news, this time, is that they seem to think I just over extended myself and that a little rest, and doing not much, letting my family wait on me a little will let my body heal. (I think I heal a little slower than the average person). So I am sitting with my feet up, an ice bag on my back and a large glass of water next to me watching TV. I am praying that this will allow me to relax the muscles in my back and let everything get back to normal.
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