Failure IS an Option - Learn from It

Yesterday morning I watched the Women's Wimbledon Final.  If you weren't watching, it was over very quickly.  As a result, the commentators had a lot of time to fill with analyzing the 55 minute win.  One of the most interesting comments (and it is not a direct quote - if I had known it was going to be so powerful, I might have written it down at the time) came from Chris Evert.  As they were discussing the outcome of the match, she made a comment about the runner-up, Eugenie Bouchard, and how the hurt of losing would drive her to win, possibly in New York at the US Open.

You could see the pain of losing on Bouchard's face, yet you could also see the determination that Chris was talking about.  She did not like the feeling of losing.  I watched as they continued to show the winner hold the trophy up and later I listened to Bouchard talk about how, during the rain delay after the match and before the awarding of the trophies, she was in the engraver's room watching as he engraved the name of another on the trophy.

I pondered this comment, made almost offhandedly.  It wasn't made to be political, and yet, in the politically correct world we live in this is exactly what we have taken from our children today. Not everyone deserves a trophy.  Ask any kid on a Saturday morning soccer game and they can tell you who "won" the game.  Is a trophy that was not earned worth anything to kids later in life, or do they look at them for what they really are "a participation decoration."

This year my husband and I set a goal to put growing/learning opportunities in the path for my youngest.  She turns sixteen this year, and although she has shown great maturity in the last year, we wish to push her further.  In a few years she will be off to college, and hopefully she will have confidence to strike out and find her own path.  (I don't mean to imply that this has not been our goal all along, but now we are pushing a little harder for her to find her wings.)  When my oldest graduated from high school last year, many people asked if I was sad when she went to college.  But in all honesty, that is exactly what we had been preparing her for her entire life.

There was a question asked on Facebook recently "what one piece of advice would you give a new parent?"  My answer, let your child have the opportunity to fail in a controlled environment.  Failure hurts and yet it also teaches.  It teaches that everybody makes mistakes, not all of our choices are wise, that people can move beyond their failures and become smarter and stronger. I much prefer my children learn about failure before they are sent off without a safety net.  My job as parent is to be the safety net, not bubble wrap or a parachute.

When you fall, it hurts.  When you get up on your own, you learn to watch for that pitfall the next time and maybe even to look for others to keep you from stumbling.  In this world, failure is not only an option, but a certainty that will happen to each of us at least once. May we all take the opportunity to feel that pain, learn from it and become better..

Memories are the Important Things

My niece is getting married this summer and several of my friends have kids graduating from High School. As I watch all of the preparations go into the wedding or the graduation parties it makes me reflect on past events in my life.  Looking back I'm amused at all of the small details that goes into these "Big Events" that seemed so important at the time.

So many small details go into wedding planning.  What will we serve at the reception? Which flowers will look best with the bridesmaid dress and in the church? What flavor cake should we server?  How many attendants will we have? Who should they be? 

I was listening to Dave Ramsey today and he said that none of the people that were attendants in his wedding are close friends 30 years later (except his sister in law).  My husband and I are a little bit more lucky than that.  One of the groomsman is still a good friend and most of my attendants were relatives so we still have relationships with them.  The only one that I don't see regularly lives in Washington D.C (and I live in Texas), however, we do still exchange Christmas cards and occasionally exchange emails.

If i look at the pictures of the wedding, I'm not sure of the names of some of the people that were there.  Sure they were important in my life, or so I thought. But things and people change and I haven't seem many of them in a very long time.

I can't tell you how many hours I took to decide on the food for the reception, or the DJ.  Guess what, that's right, all of you that have been the bride/groom know that I did not get to eat any of the food.  Was it good?  I hope the guests enjoyed it.  And really, I can't remember if we had a band or a DJ or even what kind of music that they played.  Wasn't this supposed to be fun?  I'm sure it was for the guests, but I really don't remember any of it.

My daughter graduated from High School last year.  We did not have a big party.  We had the people that are closest to us at the house to celebrate.  I wanted her to be able to enjoy it and I wanted to enjoy it, too.  It didn't matter to me that I had most of the food catered so that I didn't spend the day cooking and I could visit with all of our friends.

Don't get me wrong, I do have good memories of my wedding and reception.  But you know what, most of them revolve around my husband.  Not the food, the music, the friends, or the location.I'm sure that this perspective will be lost on the young.  I don't remember if anyone tried to tell me this when I was younger or not, but I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have heeded the advice.

What have I learned over the years? I live for the memories.  I'm old enough now to understand what memories will be most important.  It isn't the stuff on the fringe.  It is seeing the smile on your husband's face when he sees you walk down the aisle.  It is the expression of pure joy on your child's face when they throw their graduation cap in the air.  The important memories relate to the closest family and friends and sharing in their joy.  

So the next time you have a big event in your life that you might normally stress over the details. just think about what memories you will be making and which ones you will carry with you into the future.  

Something helps everyone.. Nothing helps Everyone

Today I was visiting with a friend (actually my husband's cousin, but friend fits too).  She and I were discussing our health issues, an all too familiar subject for us.  She told me that she, as someone who has struggled with  health issues for years, has tried everything, and come to the conclusion that there is no "silver bullet".

As we were talking and I was explaining to her some of my experiences with Young Living Essential Oils, I told her "Something helps everyone, but Nothing helps Everyone/"  Sounds a little contradictory at first, but just think about it for a minute.  There is no silver bullet that helps every single person....but there is something out there that can help each individual, the goal is to find what that something is for you.  For me, it has been Young Living Essential Oils.  I want to share that with others.  But I also know that what has worked for me may not work the same for someone else.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times different people have told me stories about how their "loved one" cured their cancer by doing XYZ.  Try this diet, drink this, don't do that, heat will cure cancer, an alkaline diet will cure cancer....you get the picture.  Everyone has a different idea about what will work.  So many people have cured themselves with some magic change in their diet and there are hundreds of books to read on the subject.  I will say that I have looked at many of them and I'm here to tell you that some of the diets would be really hard to do on a consistent basis.  Maybe I'm crazy, but I would actually like to enjoy the "food" that I put in my mouth and some of the cure cancer diets are the least appetizing in my opinion. (Now, I have not been told that I only have months to live and I might be much more likely to make drastic changes in my diet if that were the case).

I have found something that helps me.  I'm going to share that information with others to see if it can help them too.  If it does, great.  If it doesn't, I'm sure there is someone else around the corner that will have another option to try.



P.S. If you want to learn more about Young Living Essential Oils please visit Hello Essential Oils

Dust off Your Gift

The past few weeks I have been hearing from God.  That little nudge that comes at you from all different directions.  "Kim, use your gift."  It has appeared from posts on Pinterest, lyrics in songs, and words in books.  It has been working it's way through my subconscious until I have learned to recognize it and hear it.
We all have gifts.  Many of us (or maybe it's just me, but I don't think so) don't recognize the gift or we are afraid of the gift.  When we fear it, or don't recognize it, we put it on a shelf and let it collect dust.  It isn't until later, when we feel that little nudge from all directions, that we take that gift off the shelf, look at it and dust it off to see what we can do with it.

I'm dusting off the gift, or what I perceive is a gift since it has been floating around my head, and seeing where it will go.  I've let the gift sit on a shelf because I don't like rejection.  I don't want to pour my soul into something and then have no one appreciate it.  How human of me... We fear rejection and ridicule so we don't act.

I'll be honest with you, I have pulled the gift off the shelf a couple of times, only to put it back due to fear and hesitation.  Here is to not letting it collect any more dust..