Failure IS an Option - Learn from It

Yesterday morning I watched the Women's Wimbledon Final.  If you weren't watching, it was over very quickly.  As a result, the commentators had a lot of time to fill with analyzing the 55 minute win.  One of the most interesting comments (and it is not a direct quote - if I had known it was going to be so powerful, I might have written it down at the time) came from Chris Evert.  As they were discussing the outcome of the match, she made a comment about the runner-up, Eugenie Bouchard, and how the hurt of losing would drive her to win, possibly in New York at the US Open.

You could see the pain of losing on Bouchard's face, yet you could also see the determination that Chris was talking about.  She did not like the feeling of losing.  I watched as they continued to show the winner hold the trophy up and later I listened to Bouchard talk about how, during the rain delay after the match and before the awarding of the trophies, she was in the engraver's room watching as he engraved the name of another on the trophy.

I pondered this comment, made almost offhandedly.  It wasn't made to be political, and yet, in the politically correct world we live in this is exactly what we have taken from our children today. Not everyone deserves a trophy.  Ask any kid on a Saturday morning soccer game and they can tell you who "won" the game.  Is a trophy that was not earned worth anything to kids later in life, or do they look at them for what they really are "a participation decoration."

This year my husband and I set a goal to put growing/learning opportunities in the path for my youngest.  She turns sixteen this year, and although she has shown great maturity in the last year, we wish to push her further.  In a few years she will be off to college, and hopefully she will have confidence to strike out and find her own path.  (I don't mean to imply that this has not been our goal all along, but now we are pushing a little harder for her to find her wings.)  When my oldest graduated from high school last year, many people asked if I was sad when she went to college.  But in all honesty, that is exactly what we had been preparing her for her entire life.

There was a question asked on Facebook recently "what one piece of advice would you give a new parent?"  My answer, let your child have the opportunity to fail in a controlled environment.  Failure hurts and yet it also teaches.  It teaches that everybody makes mistakes, not all of our choices are wise, that people can move beyond their failures and become smarter and stronger. I much prefer my children learn about failure before they are sent off without a safety net.  My job as parent is to be the safety net, not bubble wrap or a parachute.

When you fall, it hurts.  When you get up on your own, you learn to watch for that pitfall the next time and maybe even to look for others to keep you from stumbling.  In this world, failure is not only an option, but a certainty that will happen to each of us at least once. May we all take the opportunity to feel that pain, learn from it and become better..